I hope I am not who you are looking for!

For several years now I have gotten the occasional odd email from total strangers who are looking for someone else. It's not all that bad really, for most of the emails are polite. I've even gotten one phone call from a gentleman on the east coast who was very disappointed that I didn't remember him, until I explained the situation.

With the recent group of nutters down south, and the widespread dissemination of information only possible on the Internet, I believe I finally have to make a statement. Actually, I think I'll take this opportunity to make four:

I was not Peter Brady!

I was not involved with Heaven's Gate!

I did not write The Hiram Key!

I am not a Spam Lord!

I have the misfortune of sharing the same name as several rather dubious celebrities, and it is getting rather tiring. All of a sudden the hits are up for my site, and I'm getting strange emails again... Gee.. I wonder why?

Maybe it is the same reason my mother started leaving me urgent voice mails... why every single one of my Internet Development Cooperative's clients called this week... Because a bunch of wankers off'ed themselves in the hopes that Aliens would interpret the gesture as some sort of galactic thumbing for a ride.

These frosted flakes just happened to have gotten into Web Development in the past few years, and the Press eats that up like candy coated elephant shit. (If you miss the reference, you haven't watched the political primaries.)

Why does the press gets an erection every time the words crime and Internet occur in the same sentence? Because fear sells; and if there isn't something real to fear, create a great lurking evil that hides in everyone's back yard. People love to associate ignorance with evil. If they don't understand something, they fear it. The Internet is a source of information, the antithesis of ignorance; and yet the media often portrays the Internet as a nothing more than a dangerous resource for pedophiles and terrorists. The library is much more dangerous, and it has a card catalog. More time, money and energy were spent last year writing laws to control INFORMATION than I care to think about, and yet AIDS research seems to be permanently underfunded. In the 20th century United States, you are much more likely to die of AIDS than from a pedophiliac terrorist demanding Cable-Internet access while holding off the law with nothing more than a home made nuclear napalm launcher built using plans off the 'Net, and who blows up Cleveland using cold cream and potassium nitrate just to make her point..

The generalization that people involved with the Internet must be associated with those recycled individuals pisses me off. ANYONE, press or intelligent, who associates these people with The Internet is hurting for a reality check. Those vodka swilling Nike wearing short hairs have been around for over 20 frigging years. If anything can be tied to their warped sense of purpose, it is more likely to be the 70's and very probably Saturday Night Fever. Perhaps a study should be made to correlate the relationship between closely cropped hair and suicidal tendencies? Web development, as a business, has only been around for four years. What were these Internet recruiting cultists doing for 18 years? Praying to the Aliens for the creation of the 'Net so they could engulf the world? Get a life.

Whoever you are looking for, it probably isn't me.